Hotel speak
“Welcome! We have a lovely room for you in our resort wing, overlooking the pool!”
Reality: Yeah, directly opposite the looming parking garage. True, there was a little pool down there. Actually visible if you lean over the balcony.
That’s hotel speak at the Esplanade Hotel in Fremantle, Australia.
We ran into a couple of cops in the lobby. They’d been summoned because of noisy guests. Is this a common Australian thing? The last time we stayed at an Australian hotel, two years ago, we couldn’t sleep until the people in the room next to our checked out—or were arrested—sometime after daylight broke. The hotel’s paper walls projected every groan, cry, and vulgarity uttered by our neighbors, and of course their fighting, shouting, wall-punching, and door-slamming. That was the Sydney Ibis Airport Hotel.
To be fair, I have to say that, besides very creative hotel speak, one thing at the Esplanade Hotel in Fremantle greatly impressed me, especially for a hotel “of this calibre.” Its breakfast buffet, which was pretty much on par with the sad state of American mid-range hotel breakfasts, included a total do-it-yourself delight: an industrial-sized juicer and an array of carrots, ginger, and apples. Magnificent!
Oh, you stayed at an Ibis hotel. Now there’s your problem. Ibis hotels are awful. I stayed at one in Dublin, Ireland and it was just as you described. Our “view” was an auto-repair yard. The bed was made of hard pine rails–like a fouton–and the matteress was 1-inch of cotton wadding. The shower stall was flimsy fiberglass and the walls were probably made of corrugated cardboard. I’m thinking maybe they recycle pizza boxes and use them for Ibis walls when new hotels are built.
Thanks for your compliment, Carolyn. I don’t know… sometimes it’s a bit of fun to overhear hotel room neighbors, as in my hotel room sex sounds post. Or maybe you don’t agree…!
I always travel with an eye mask and earplugs. But really SERIOUS noise will only be somewhat quieted by earplugs. Love your Hotel Oddity series!
You have a sharp eye and wit for oddities. Keep them coming!