8+ hotel room gripes that shouldn’t exist but are all too common.

As a hotel-dweller (some 200+ nights per year for the past 20 years), I can tell you: there’s a lot wrong with the hotel industry. From the frivolous, like inept service staff, to the serious, like the insecurity of guests’ physical belongings and personal data. Today (while dwelling in a hotel room), I’m going to dwell on my personal hotel room gripes. That is, things that bug me inside the hotel room. For the most part, fixable things. Things that should not exist.

1. Thievery hangers

Yeah, those hangers that don’t come off the closet rod, or that you have to fiddle to get the little hookless tops into sliding brackets. Those tell me, from the first moment, what the hotel thinks of me, its clientele: Aha! thought you’d steal these hangers, did you? Haha! We’re a step ahead of you, you thief! I’m offended by the very inference. Of course I understand that the hotel is trying to limit the appeal of its hangers and therefore shrinkage. A better solution, one that is not troublesome for us guests, is the little-hook hangers—the ones that only fit on a narrow rod. While I get the same offensive message from those, they do not punish me with fiddly inconvenience.

2. Dysfunctional design

Sometimes I’ll accept form over function for the sheer delight and novelty of the design. Dysfunctional details can be due to a lack of foresight, planning, or funds. Shower knobs too smooth to turn with soft-water-wet hands. Sink faucets too close to the edge of the sink. Tub drains easy to accidentally close while showering. Lighting and accessible electrical outlets can fall into the bad design category, but they’re more likely due to lack of thought and lack of funds.

3. Housekeeping oversights

Start with dead lightbulbs. In most cases, housekeeping could have and should have caught these. Dead tv remotes. Same thing, and way too common. Slow sink and tub drains. Housekeeping: how could you not notice? Sticky or unclean furniture. Well, lack of cleanliness is a total turnoff, but even in otherwise clean rooms I often find sticky bedside tables.

4. Alarm clock that goes off

This could have gone into Section 3, Housekeeping oversights, but it’s egregious enough for a category of its own. I do not want to be awakened at the previous occupant’s time. Hotel staff should be sure that every clock’s alarm is turned off. And by the way, make sure the clocks are set to the correct time.

5. Noisy refrigerator

Maddening. I pull their plugs

6. Linen issues

I’m very picky about bed linen. I detest poor quality sheets, but that’s a function of the quality (and cost) of the hotel. So, skipping over linen quality, let’s go to How to Make a Bed. I don’t want the bottom sheet to come untucked when I first open the bed by pulling out a tucked-in top sheet. I don’t want sheets that are tucked in so tight at the feet that they are hard to loosen. I definitely don’t want short sheets, where I feel the bare mattress or blanket at the foot end because the sheets aren’t the right size for the bed. Sheets should not loosen and get all wrinkly after one night’s sleep.

And my number one bed linen gripe: pillowcases that aren’t long enough for the pillow, or that slip off. Lately I’ve run into some awful type of pillow covered in a slippery paper-like case, like a non-tearable Tyvek envelope. Pillowcases start slipping off these immediately, and you end up sleeping with your face on the bare pillow that 2,000 people have already used in ways we don’t want to know about. One of the worst pillows is made of something called Technology Fabric, made by the English Trading Co. Pillowcases do not stay on them; not even the pillowcases that have tuck-in ends. They’re disgusting. Unhygienic.

7. Signage

I’ve previously made myself clear on those towel-on-the-floor signs. I don’t want to see them. Neither do I like an overabundance of CYA signage: “watch your step,” “check water temp,” “don’t flush this/that,” “use safe at your own risk”… Not to mention inhouse ads, intimate tips, and personal suggestions.

8. Hopeless hotel room gripes

Windows that don’t open. Shower water without flow control. Low water pressure. Noisy air conditioning and heat.

No, I would not be happy with cookie-cutter hotels. I enjoy the quirks and surprises of hotels, most of which are delights. Did I miss any important complaints? What are your hotel room gripes?